It's ok not to be ok, but it might require someone else to notice.
If we sit with the uncomfortable truth that 1 in 5 adults have thought about suicide at some point. 1 in 5.
It might provoke us to consider the duty of care workplaces have in noticing the mental health of their workforces. Really noticing, which does not equate to underwriting legal or moral culpability by pointing to the 'resources' that are made available to all employees.
What does noticing the mental health of individuals at work look like?
A tool that managers and colleagues might find helpful is the Job Demands-Control-Support Model.
The model aims to explain the occurrence of mental strain in the workplace:
Job Demands - workload, time-pressure, role conflicts, emotional demands of the role.
Job Control - discretion to use skills and make decisions.
Job Support - the social support experienced at work.
It is potentially intuitive that roles with high demands, low control and low support are generative of negative wellbeing. However common sense is rarely common action. I have found coaching people through moments of high pressure or stress with this model in mind to be an effective way to increase awareness on aspects of work that need to change to support optimal wellbeing and thus optimal performance at work.
How could managers use this model?
Normalise discussing demands, control and support within conversations with direct reports:
Talk me through your current workload, how does it compare to last quarter?
How are you feeling about your priorities for the rest of the year?
What are the most critical deadlines you are working on, is anything blocking delivery?
Have you got the right freedom to execute this project? Is anyone or anything getting in the way?
Who are key decision-makers, do you have the right access?
How interested / excited are you about the things you are working on?
What is the current team environment like?
Do you have feedback for me?
What about all the other pressures people experience outside of work?
Since the start of 2025 a snapshot of the life events that have been shared with me from people in my personal and professional network, include: fertility challenges; house sale fallen through; sick elderly parents; bereavement; job loss; separation and divorce; contentious litigation; medical diagnosis; bullying at work; pregnancy; relocation; school changes; children's ill health; assault; financial challenges; terminal illness; infidelity; racism; family member in mental health crisis; hospitalisation; ending of foster placement; challenges of securing an educational health and care plan (ECHP) for a child; retirement; medical trial participation.
I have not sought these experiences out. Granted my role gives me unique access to people and their lives, but I do not think my network of people is unique. In almost all circumstances, individuals were turning up to work every day and doing their jobs. In far less of those circumstances, individuals were actively disclosing the things they were navigating outside of work to their employer.
If our starting assumption was that people are generally at emotional capacity with life, and we considered work in that context, our ability to notice when a colleague might be overwhelmed would infinitely improve.
How can colleagues notice and offer support?
We can fear stepping into spaces that are 'off-limits' at work but prioritising making time to connect is key, connecting away from the immediate 'noise' of the office is even better, and being willing to share our own vulnerabilities is sometimes the signal someone needs to receive to feel safe to share that they are not ok:
Why don't we get out of the office and have a walk during our catch up today?
I wanted to acknowledge you really do have a lot on your plate at the moment, can I help?
I struggled with my wellbeing last year and I found it really helpful to...
One of the positive outcomes of lockdown, was the starting assumption that employees had a lot to navigate outside of work which resulted (in most instances) with interest and care extended by organisations and managers. We may not be experiencing a global pandemic where your entire workforce is experiencing the same stressor, but if your starting assumption is that each employee is probably experiencing something, you might notice a different compassion creep in to your conversations.
If you would like to build a coaching capability to support your workplace to initiate conversations that balance performance and wellbeing, do get in touch.
Lara Carty is the Founder of Performance habits - a coaching and consultancy practice dedicated to helping individuals, teams, and organisations achieve outlier performance in their fields.